List of upcoming reviews..

Sixth Grade Secrets (It's in the works)
The Magic in Manhattan Series (Bras and Broomsticks, Frogs and French Kisses, Spells and Sleeping Bags, and Parties and Potions) 
Define Normal
She loves you, She loves you not.
Lost Voices
The Mermaid's Mirror.
Exit, Twisted Sister.

I is be 18 and college student

August 25: I turned 18 mothafuckasssss!
September 9: I started college mothafuckasssss!
So yeah. Sixth Grade Secrets review is on hiatus until I figure out how to divide my time evenly.
*awkward silence*
K bye.

Shitty Sequels #1: Fate by Jennifer Lynn Barnes (Ch. 4- The End plus an alternate ending written by Twisted Sister)

Let's get this ship sailing my Twisters.
Bailey complains about Morgan disappearing in the middle of the mall, Delia says she'll disown her for complaining about free jewelry. So, Morgan makes them pay for their magical Sidhe-shit in the last book but not in this book? Whatever. Annabelle explains that Bailey feels uncomfortable that her meeting the other Sidhe provoked a visit from the Sidhe benefactress. Delia starts randomly listing clothing, most likely in the hopes that she has her transmogrification again. I find it funny how they don't realize this till they get to the car but I realized it in five seconds. They leave the mall, go back to school, Bailey goes to a meeting with her counselor Mr. McMann, who tortures her with questions about college and in said meeting, Bailey cuts herself on the side of her necklace. While fumbling around for a tissue, she notices that her blood is blue-green in the mirror. Whoa. Freaky color change blood is back!
After the meeting, Bailey goes to her physics class where she is asked the definition of friction. Bailey curses Adea and Val because that's exactly what she was trying to study in Earthly Hall of Study before they called her to the Nexus. Earthly Hall of Study Geek with the amazing archeolinguistic knowledge comes to her rescue and she develops a crush on him. So far she only knows his last name, which is Talbot-Olsen. Interesting name. I immediately think of Talbot from Hulk and one of the Olsen twins having a baby to make him. Not a pretty sight.
On the way to her car, Bailey explains how she and Kandy Kane dated on and off sophomore year, then finally had a legit relationship for four months of her junior year. Bailey says that since being the Fate of life comes with the knowledge that there is no such thing as coincidence, she believes that Kane's wavering interest in her had stemmed from her gaining more control of her powers. Basically, the better her powers got, the less interested he became in her. Because, she was totally unconsciously controlling him with her mind. Yeah, okay.
Bay meets ZoPig at the car where they discuss her freakish color change blood and what cookies Bailey's mom is making. Apparently Bailey's mother is an amazing cook.
They get to Bay's house, eat cookies and do some Sidhe research on Google. First, Reckoning.
Reckoning: noun.
Counting or computing a specific sum
An itemized bill
A settlement of accounts, as in "a day of reckoning"
That doesn't sound right. Next is Nexus.
Nexus: noun.
The connection between items in a series.
This makes sense because the Nexus connects the mortal realm to the Sidhe realm. Bailey reminisces on a story she was told by the descendant of Sidhe priestesses.
Basically, thousands of years ago, around the time of the Greeks, the humans could freely roam in the Sidhe realm, as well as the Sidhe in the human realm. Over time, the barrier between the worlds became weaker and crossing over became more difficult. The Sidhe needed human life to feed power into their land, so the Nexus was created and they sent three Sidhe children to watch over humans and become permanently connected to them so the Sidhe wouldn't lose that power. That's how the Adea, Valgius and the deceased Alecca became the three Fates. While we're on the subject, after being connected to the humans for so long, Adea and Valgius fell in love with each other, and Alecca fell in love with Valgius. Since they knew humans, knew their emotions, it didn't take very long for Alecca to begin to know hatred. This hatred caused her to want to destroy the humans, along with Adea and Valgius, so she sealed herself unto the sea. Adea and Valgius had sex, Adea had a baby and Morgan took their baby into the human realm, and centuries later, Bailey Morgan, half human, half Sidhe was born. Bailey and friends grow up together, the magical adventures of Sophomore year happen, Bailey gets her Fate-ing powers and thus ends the story so far.
Now that we've got our history lesson straight, lets get back to the current story, shall we?
Zo and Bailey talk about the ominous Reckoning, they duel with their sharp-ass necklaces, and onward we go to the mystical Reckoning.
Bailey, Adea, and Valgius talk, then they teleport from the Nexus to the Otherworld. Then they run at superhuman speed to some mountain and then they're surrounded by a whole bunch of other Sidhe. Two of them, one a pink-haired caramel colored woman and a dark haired pale man. I shit you not, the woman's hair is pink, or in Bailey's words, "the color of an opal, a pale pearly white that reflected pink as she moved". I forgot, the Sidhe have bi-colored hair. BLEH. The woman is Eze, and she is the Queen of the Seelie Court. The man is Drogan, and he is the King of the Unseelie Court. Respectively, the Queen of Light and King of Darkness/Shadows. Eze and Drogan welcome Bailey to the Sidhe realm and tell her that she is always welcome, then they take Adea and Valgius to discuss stuff. The other Sidhe to do their Sidhe things save for six teenagers. First, lemme introduce theirs to the two thrones.
We have Axia and Lyria, the pink haired heirs to Eze and the Seelie Throne. They may or may not be twins, it's never specified. On the other side, we have Xane, heir to Drogan and the Unseelie Throne. Then we have James (I fugging know, right?). He's not an heir, just the most human-acting one of the group. Then there's the evil bitches, Kiste and Cyna. (The pronunciations are Kis-tee and Ky-nah). These annoying vampire-like Sidhe mean girls like to talk in tandem with each other like twins.
"You're-"
"-human."
"We-"
"-can-"
"-smell it-"
"-on you."
Fucking creepy.
You'll see shortly why they're the evil bitches and how I'm again, much smarter than Bailey. They're very possessive of James, going so far as to grope the hell out of his arms and chest. By the time Adea and Val return to reclaim Bailey to do their nightly Fate-ing, she's developed a crush on James.
Bailey Morgan: girl who has too many crushes.
Crazy Mike wakes her up again and this time she sets her radio on fire. Great solution Bailey, set your radio on fire instead of changing the station. her mom comes in, screams, puts out the fire and leaves her to do her usual morning activities. Okay...
Bailey showers, sprays her hair with body spray since, from they way she describes it, her hair must stink if she doesn't wash it in the morning... okay I wash my hair once a week and it doesn't stink unless I have night sweats. Does Fate-ing make you sweat Bailey?
Anyways, Delia gives her a change of clothes, then bursts into the bathroom just as Bailey finishes dressing, complains that Bailey's hair smells like apples, then ties her hair into some complicated bun.

Possibly this style?

They go to school, Bay discusses Night of the Sidhe, Annabelle deduces that the reason Bailey's blood turns blue green in the mirror is because it shows Otherworldly things as they are.
HOW IS THIS BLATANTLY FUCKING OBVIOUS TO ME BUT NOT TO THESE FUCKING BIMBOS?!
Bailey goes to Earthly Hall of Study and she and her geek (who's name is Alec) have a falling contest to see who's the bigger ditz! Okay, not really, but they do some falling (Bailey to find out his first name instead of just asking, Alec to give her his jacket because she said she was cold).Soon she's getting cryptic warnings in her head from creepy voices that talk in tandem. I immediately suspect Kiste and Cyna but Bailey is a fucking idiot so of course she has no clue who it is. Bailey leaves Earthly Hall of Study and hears this.
"I love him."
"Me too. I love him so much."
"I'm totally gonna be Mrs. Him."
Uhhh... I hope they don't mean THIS Him.

Then there's this.
"Nice haircut." We learn from Bailey that this is one of Alexandra Atkins's (the girl who's shoe Bailey set on fire in the last book) friends, Jessica Moore.
"In fact,  that haircut is just adorable. It reminds me of my dog, you know? I just want to pet you. or hit you with a rolled-up newspaper or something. Maybe next time you can just shave your head. Believe me, bald is beautiful, at least compared to that."
Oh why don't you go back to sucking Kandy Kane's pompous dick already?
Hair Girl mopes, her two friends are momentarily possessed by Kiste and Cyna, (again, why is this fucking obvious to me and not Bailey?) and lunchtime rolls around. The Fucking Idiotic Four go to Fifties, eat and discuss mythology and how it concerns the Sidhe. We know Eze is Zeus, Drogan is Hades, (forgot to mention earlier)Axia is Artemis, Lyria is Aphrodite, and Zane is a Hades mini-me. James doesn't want Bailey to know who he was to the Greeks and we aren't sure who Kiste and Cyna were, but somehow, the three of them are connected. In the last book, we learned that Morgan was Poseidon, but it seems that the other Sidhe have some beef with her because no one talks about her, they pretend she doesn't exist. Also, we have a plot point. Annabelle tells them the story of when Hades kidnapped Persephone and the whole pomegranate ordeal. Annabelle warns Bailey not to eat or drink anything while in the Otherworld, because she may never be able to return to the mortal realm if she does.
Delia then takes over to discuss Geek Watch. Geek Watch is boring. They go back to school and then physics freakiness happens. Remember Jessica for earlier before, who made fun of the girl's hair after Earthly Hall of Study? Here's what goes down.
"I mean honestly, who do girls like that think they're kidding? This isn't a movie; we're not going to, like, adopt them, and I'm sorry but there are some things makeovers just can't fix." Yes, these are Delia's popular friends.
"You should have heard those girls talking this morning. They were all, 'oh he's just soooo dreamy. Do you think he loves me? Will we go to the big dance together? Will they make a Disney Channel Original Movie about our fuzzy- wuzzy puppy love?' Puh-lease."
I'm sorry, I haven't heard the term 'Disney Channel Original Movie' in years.
Meanwhile Bailey is trying to save Jessica for what reason I don't know. Jessica keeps flinging the sugary venom at the Mrs. Him girls until out of nowhere, every strand of her hair falls off of her head to the floor.
She starts screaming, people start freaking out, Bailey tries to figure out what the hell to do, snakes burst out from Jessica's scalp. So now we have a screaming Medusa, creepy faeries who are most likely the mythological Furies, a useless Third Fate and a scared chic geek. Alec begs for it to stop and it does. hmm.. interesting.
After class, Bay and Al meet up with Dee and Bailey wipes the memories of everyone about the snake incident from everyone's mind, save for Delia, A-belle and ZoPig. Delia sets Bailey and Alec up on a date and Bailey discovers that the place Alec took her to (a bridge in a field of flowers) has Sidhe connections. The bridge can be used to cross over. Bailey drives him home, then she goes to Zo's house.  Annabelle tells them of the theory of liminality (a liminal state is something that exists between two states, like doorways, midnight and bridges). They tell Bailey to go to sleep so they can squeeze some info out of dem faeries. Bailey gives up and goes home. Bailey's mom is suspicious as to why her daughter is home so early. Bailey plays sick and feels guilty when she uses her pyrokinesis to raise her body temperature. Damn Bailey, stop being such a pussyass. She goes to sleep, Adea and Val tell her that the Reckoning is her choice to align herself in either the Seelie or Unseelie Courts. There's something bigger that their lieges won't let them tell Bailey. Her ancestors tell her if she wants answers, she needs to find them in her web, aka (trust her instincts). She weaves and sees that it's her mixed blood that's throwing off the world's balance and making it easier for the Sidhe to cross over. We also learn that while Bailey weaves life, Valgius whispers birth and Adea sings death. They finish their Fate-ing and return to the Otherworld, this time, they go to the Unseelie Court.
Bailey meets Eros (aka Cupid) and the muses. The muses sing and everyone dances, Bailey dances with James. He tosses her in the air and we learn that in her Sidhe form, she is very flexible. Okay then. Eventually they stop and James offers Bailey a cup of water. She's about to drink it when her necklace begins to burn her. She reaches up to rip it off but when she touches it, she hears A-belle's previous warning about eating or drinking in the Otherworld. Bailey is furious. She realizes now that the Sidhe want her to stay in the Otherworld for good. They tell her that it isn't fair to have one Fate living in the mortal realm and the other two living in the Otherworld. That isn't very fair, even though Bailey is half-Sidhe.
Bailey tells them under no circumstances will she stay in the Otherworld. Eze and Drogan remind her that her staying in the mortal realm makes the barriers weak, and so long as the barriers are weak, and with Mabon weakening the barriers further, the Sidhe are free to roam in the human realm.
"She is-"
"-mortal."
"She can be-"
"-punished."
Kiste and Cyna remind Bailey of that and then Dumbo finally realizes that they were the ones warning her away from Alec. Dumbass. Who else have you met that talks in tandem with each other?!
Bailey goes home, sad that Adea and Valgius didn't protect her, despite knowing that they couldn't.
She wakes up, gets dressed, her mom hears her and tries to stop her (it's four in the morning and Momma Morgan don't play no games) but Bailey, acting like a pussy the whole while, pulls a mind meld on her. She goes to Zo's, they discuss battle plans, Bailey mentally chats with Morgan and Morgan shows her through her pendant mirror that Alec and James are the same person. NO SHIT.
The girls then head for school, Bailey intent on causing Alecjames much fiery pain. She's so angry, sparks are flying out of her hair, her skin is burning hot to the touch and in her palms are twin flames. Alecjames finds her first, they argue, Bailey lights his pants on fire (LOL), then Bailey panics when she realizes her friends are unguarded. She runs and finds Zo and A-belle runs past them with nothing on top but a hot pink bra. They follow her to a Spanish class where she starts kissing all of the boys. Zo tries to stop her and gets kicked clear across the room. Bailey looks in her pendant at Annabelle expecting to see Lyria but instead sees a shocked A-belle staring back at her. Bailey deduces that A-belle has been possessed by Lyria. Bailey panics again when she realizes they haven't found Delia. James brings Axia to them, she and Zo go to de-possess Annabelle and Bailey and James go to the Otherworld to rescue Delia from Xane who is trying to take her back to the Unseelie court as his new Persephone. or something like that.
They find the pair where Delia is working on her tan and somehow she's broken down Xane... and he smiles.
This is as rare as a Seto Kaiba smile!!

So they confront Xane, James attacks him, Xane heals himself instantly and then Bailey probes his mind after telling him she doesn't think he's evil or that he wants to hurt her and her friends. We see that Delia has warped Xane's mind because he finds her incredibly annoying yet somehow she tugs on some hidden heartsrtings he never knew he had. Xane throws Bailey out of his mind so hard she falls and hits her head on a rock. Damn Bay, don't go all useless and bleeding on us again! Xane is horrified because he's hurt her and deep deep down in his hidden heart he doesn't want to hurt her or her friends. Eze and Drogan show up and teleport them inside a mountain. Yes, inside the mountain. Bailey wakes up after sleeping for four hours. The only reason they can see anything is because in the Otherworld, Bailey fucking glows. I guess it isn't as bad as sparkling.

So Bailey gets them out of the mountain, Axia and Lyria change her into her Reckoning clothes and hairstyle (courtesy of telekinesis and transmogrification) and they're teleported to the top of the mythological Mount Olympus. Eze and Drogan welcome Bailey to their respective courts and Morgan is in her head telling her to let the waters guide her. bailey gives a long boring speech basically saying "Fuck you Otherworlders, I'm gonna be with my girls no matter what because I'm a selfish bitch that cares more about being with my friends than the fate of the Earth", shares her blood with said friends and recites a spell,
"To you I call, my three of three,
My blood in yours and yours in me,
Through this change, the barrier holds,
The balance righted, the bridge refolds,
I give this gift with lake and sea,
river and water, so mote it be."
which in turn makes Annabelle, Delia and Zo half Sidhe and gives them permanent powers. Wow. Fucking wow.
King and Queen rage about how insulted they are by this and that she cannot pledge herself to her friends, that now she has to choose one of the courts or they (Bailey and Co.) will all die tonight. Morgan comes to their rescue saying "Bailey has pledged herself and her friends to me" and Drogan says "You choose to sequester yourself between the realms, you don't even have a court blah blah the child will die" and Morgan's all "You're surprised I chose to start my court with a child who belongs to both worlds it is my right I've never forsworn it blah blah blah" and James is all "woohoo lets git Reckoned!" and he, Axia, Lyria, Xane, the muses, Eros and some random guy share blood with Bailey and officially become Morgan's Court/ The Court of Water. Eze and Drogan swear war on them and Morgan says "it's time there was a court that wasn't afraid to be a little human blah blah blah."
Seven and a half months later Bailey and her friends are graduating, fucking yay, they get their diplomas and talk about the afterparty in the Court of Water, Zo shocks them with her newly acquired lightning and the book ends, the fucking end. UGH!
Next in line, Sixth Grade Secrets. Yay, I book I actually enjoy!

Oh, before I forget, It's alternate ending time! This was written by yours truly.



~~~

“I will make my choice. I will pledge. I will be Reckoned.”

Eze nodded, and the Sidhe guarding my friends stepped back. My word was binding. I’d said I would pledge, and I would. This was my Reckoning, and I was ready.

“Delia. Annabelle. Zo. You’re my friends, my family, the other half of myself. For the past couple of months, I’ve been wondering what I was going to do without you next year, and I couldn’t help but feel that without our friendship, our connection, I didn’t know who I was.”

Zo opened her mouth-probably to tell me that I was an idiot- but no words came out. They were as silent as I’d been before Eze and Drogan yielded the floor to me, and it occurred to me that maybe right now I was the only one who could actually speak, King and Queen included.

“I realized something earlier as I was running through the Otherworld. As much as I want to stay in the mortal realm, the Sidhe need me more. Everything Eze and Drogan have done was motivated with a desire for power. Be that as it may, our lieges don’t know true power.”

Many of the other Sidhe began to murmur amongst themselves. With my last statement, Eze and Drogan looked to be slightly insulted.

“I realize the Sidhe need me because real power, real emotion and feeling is something only I can understand. I understand because I am part human. Many years ago, when Adea and Valgius found love in each other, it was because they knew humans. Because Alecca knew humans, she found hatred when her love was denied.

I feel I know my place in the world. The Sidhe need me, so they will understand emotions and feeling and real, raw power.” Eze and Drogan gave me interested glances.

I sighed sadly.

“We were born together, but we have to live and die separately.”

My girls all looked at me sadly.

“We can’t be together forever. You have to go back to the mortal realm, I must stay here. It isn’t fair for one Fate to be in the mortal realm and for the other two to be in the Otherworld. I feel that with me here, the Sidhe will truly understand humanity and its worth. I wish you luck in life.”

I turned to the King and Queen. “I have made my decision, and I will swear my fealty to the Seelie Court.”

Eze nodded, and slowly the other Sidhe began to file out. I took one last look at my friends as they were being escorted away by some of the Sidhe guard. Eze placed her hand on one shoulder and Lyria and Axia gave me solemn looks. It seemed that they knew how hard this had been for me.

I blinked and in the next second we were back in the Seelie Court.

“Welcome to your new home Bailey.” Said Eze, all traces of hostility gone.

“Thank you Eze.” I said, my voice filled with the ancientness that lay in my blood.

I was Sidhe, and I was home. I was the third Fate, and I would never forswear it.

I was Life. I was power.

Audio Narration?

If I could find my copy of Tattoo, I'd post a video of me looking like a librarian and narrating it.
But since I can't find it, I figure I'll narrate my book review of it. Then when I finish my review of Fate, I'll narrate the book and the review. Maybe.

Shitty Sequels #1: Fate by Jennifer Lynn Barnes (Ch. 1-3)

Oh dear....

Here's the sequel to Tattoo. Oh dear...

Oh god.

Book Description:

What happens to destiny when you are Fate?

For the past two years, Bailey Morgan has lived a double life: high school student by day, ancient mystical being by night. As the third Fate, Bailey literally controls the destiny of the world, but as Plain Old Bailey, she sees her life falling apart. She's got a tattoo that was supposed to be temporary but isn't, friendships that were supposed to last forever but might not, and no idea what her future holds after graduation. 

Then Bailey meets the rest of the Sidhe, an ancient race defined by power, beauty, and a sinister habit of getting what they want at any cost. Before Bailey knows it, she's drawn into an Otherworldly web more complicated than anything she weaves as a mortal Fate.  Senior year is a time for choices. A time for temptation. A time for Bailey Morgan to figure out, once and for all, who and what she wants to be.

Or does she really have any choice in the matter at all?

Enter Twisted Sister:

The book opens with this.

Life.

Life.

Life.

Love-hate-like-break-want-need-scared-no-yes.

Miss her-- want him-- giggle-new-now.

Life.

Life.

Life.

I have no words for that.

Oh, so Fate Bailey explains that this is what she experiences every night, weaving life as the Third Fate. The way she describes it makes her seem like she gets more orgasms fate-ing than she did when she was fifteen orgasming over Kandy Kane.

She continues her fate-ing for a while longer then wakes up tho this:

"Good morning Oakridge! I'm Craaaaazy Mike, and you're listening to K-K-K-KHITS! It's seven in the a.m., and I a-m in the mood for some lovin', some badda bing if you know what I mean-"

Bailey is annoyed by Craaaaazy Mike yet never changes the station to something else. She makes no sense at all. Baley glares at her alarm clock then goes back to sleep. Regular sleep I mean, not going to the Otherworld to weave as the Fate of Life sleep.

“Bailey Marie, don’t tell me you’re still sleeping.” Her mother walks past her door in a ‘drive-by scolding’. Bailey hauls her size-8 ass up and goes to take a shower, where she sees weird purple shadows. Um, okay. She then goes to her mirror to degrade herself.

“I’m single-handedly responsible for weaving the lives of the entire world, and yet I can’t even fill out a B cup.”

Is every Fate supposed to have big boobs? Quit complaining. You control everyone’s lives, you can set stuff on fire, read people’s minds and control them, yet all you care about is having bigger boobs?! So ungrateful. The Sidhe should be ashamed of you.

She gets dressed, runs out to her car to meet C cup Delia and drive to school. Bailey is obsessed with Delia’s boobs. And puh-lease, a C cup? My boobs are bigger than Delia’s. (Can you say cursed with 36 DDs? Darn my grandma and her huge boobs!)

Delia announces that she no longer likes jocks and is now into geeks.

They get to school, Zo proves to be the fastest most coordinated teen driver ever because:

“an SUV flew past us and into the space next to ours. The driver didn’t bother to slow the car until the instant it came to a complete and sudden stop.” I’ve never seen anyone able to do that.

Delia and Zo have one of their little friendly word battles and Bailey reminds her about the ‘geek chic’ thing.

“Sarcastic. Soulful eyes. Mussy hair. Geeks are hot.” Sounds like my boyfriend except his hair isn’t long enough to be mussy just yet.

Bailey wonders how Delia puts the It in ‘It Girl’ without even trying.

Bailey tunes into Zo’s pervy thoughts.

“Delia’s breasts have magical powers. If Queenie’s ta-tas say that geeks are chic, then by next week they will be. All hail the magic of her mighty C cup.”

Again, I have bigger boobs than Delia. Has nothing to do with being It Girl.

Of course Delia, having been friends with them since the age of five, knows they’re mentally conversating about her mighty C cup.

Delia: Are you guys having a silent conversation about my chest?

Bailey: Ummmm…no?

Zo: Don’t  flatter yourself.

A-belle: Translation: yes, Bailey and Zo are indeed having another psychic boobies convo.

Psychic boobies? PSYCHIC BOOBIES?!

They all start laughing and some 9^th grade boys stare at them. Well, them and Delia’s chest.Because EVERYONE is obsessed with Delia’s chest!

They walk to class and  Zo just cannot resist another ‘psychic boobies’ convo.

Zo: Delia’s boobs. Delia’s boobs. Delia’s boobs.

Bailey starts laughing and Delia proves herself to be the stereotyphical Val Gal with her choice of words.

Delia: Oh. My. God. You’re doing it again!

These are the most annoying characters. I thought with age came maturity. I thought becoming a Fate at the age of 15 might have matured Bailey some and made her less annoying but I guess not.

Bailey complains about study hall. Right, because any kid would complain about a class where you don’t have to do anything because the proctors don’t pay a bit of attention to what the students are doing as long as they’re not texting.

Apparently Bailey loves to touch her tattoo because she does it a lot in this book. Weeeeeell I know they were sold as temp tattoos but I don’t like to refer to them as such because THEY’RE MADE OF FAERIE BLOOD! She explains to the new readers who may not have read the first book that the tattoo means life in a language that no living person speaks. It’s a sunburst with two intertwined crescent moons. The sun means fire (hence her pyrokinesis) and the moons mean knowledge (hence the psychic boobies convos and her ability to mind-speak and control people [which she never does till the end of the book]).

The person sitting behind her is all “You have a tattoo? You don’t seem like you’d have a tattoo.” How you you have to seem to have a tattoo? Tons of piercings and fishnets shirts?

Bailey, who for some reason is self-concious about people seeing the tattoo pulls her shirt over it. She must think if people see it, they’ll automatically know she’s the Fate of Life. SMH. Bailey goes on to explain how she got her tattoo (she and friends go to mall, aquire tattos and powers, defeat evil blonde faerie and Bailey who is half-Sidhe gets to keep her powers and weave mortal lives nightly for the rest of her life.).

The guy behind her asks what it’s of.

B: It’s a symbol. It means stuff.

Me: *throws book at the wall*

She could have just said, “it means ‘life’” or, “I’m not actually sure, but I thought it looked cool.” But no. Sensible responses are a rarity in this book. Also, she classifies this dude as a possibly-chic-geek.

Bailey tries to study what friction is but her mystical bajillion-times-great-grandparents Adea and Valgius call her to the Nexus (aka the place where the ancienmt Seal lies, where they met and killed Alecca and where the Fates do their fate-ing).

This is their call by the way:

“To you we call,

Our third of three.

Child of power,

Who set us free.

Blood in your veins,

The barrier holds.

If balance wavers,

The bridge unfolds.

We call you now

With earth and sea,

Air and fire,

So mote it be.”

Oooooh so fancy!

Bailey wakes up lying on the Seal. She muses about how her freak color-change blood closed it two years ago and that because of her Sidhe heritage, the Seal was her anchor in the Nexus.

“What am I doing here? And what was with the whole ‘we call you’ spell thing? In case you guys can’t tell, this is me not being amused.”

Oh Bailey, only YOU would bitch about missing study hall to prance around with pretty faeries.

“Welcome, Daughter.” Says Valgius. Oh Valgius, only you and Adea know how to remind Bitchy Teen where her place is.

Bailey blah blahs about how the Sidhe were gods to the Greeks (please stop me now before I smash my fucking head into a wall) and to her they were a royal pain in her pwecious widdle tushie. She also goes on to explain how she’s the ONLY Sidhe- human hybrid in existance.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT. Sidhe blood runs in her family for centuries, how is SHE the ONLY Sidhe-human hybrid??? What dormant blood doesn’t cound? No “I have faerie blood etched into my back, I’m the ONLY hybrid in the wooooooooooooorld!!!!”

Sigh…. Gotta calm down. But this book annoys me more than the first. It’s bad enough that in the last book she whined and orgasmed over Kane, but in this book she whines and orgasms over Study hall boy and magic faerie boy at the same fucking time! Oh, magic faerie boy comes in a later chapter.

Adea and Valgius tell ther that they have summoned her to the Nexus to talk about her Reckoning.

V: Your introduction. To the others and to the realm that lies beyond this one.

B: What others? What realm?

A: (isn’t it obvious BayBay??) Those like us. (aka THE OTHER SIDHE!!!!)

They also tell her Mabon is two days away (sound familiar??) and Mabon= her Reckoning.

‘Mabon, the fall equinox, the day I’d destroyed Alecca and taken her place as the Third Fate.’

Um, if I can remember correctly, Zo was the one who threw the quite literal choker that destroyed Alecca while you were on the floor being useless and bleeding. Zo should have been the third Fate, but no. Useless Bailey gets the fire and mind reading/ controlling because SHE has Sidhe blood.

/endrant.

After Bailey whines and begs to be sent back to the mortal realm, Valgius (very dramatically) allows her to return to her ‘earthly hall of study’ (LOL).

Earthly Hall of Study ends and geek boy tells her her tattoo means life. Since she already know that, she freaks.

The next chapter begins and the Fab Four are at the mall for lunch, dicussing Mr. Possibly Chic Geek, and how he knew what BayBay’s ink meant. Oh, and, Annabelle confuses us with her big words:

“He recognized the symbol? Even Lionel didn’t recognize it straightaway, and he’s at the forefront of the field. The kind of archeolinguistic knowledge necessary to spontaneously translate something like that is just…wow.”

And dumbasses in my old classes said I used big words. I never even saw the word ‘archeolinguistic’ until reading this book.

Delia only cares to know what the geek looks like, Annabelle only cares to know about his archeolinguistic knowledge and Zo only cares to know if Bailey is going to finish her chill fries.

A-belle: You should ask him how he’s familiar with the symbol’s meaning.

Delia: No, you should ask him if he has a girlfriend.

ZoPig: Mmmshhhwammmpppp. <----I’m not kidding. That’s how it’s written in the book.

Don’t  talk with your mouth full Zoe-Claire.

We learn that Annabelle orgasms over linguists and the girls get into a food fight after Bailey teases Zo because she can’t think about anything but food.

Example: Mmmmmmmmmm…chili.

Then they get into ANOTHER food fight after Zo tells Annabelle to stop teaching Delia words like ‘self-depreciating’.

Then they tickle Bailey to near death after she says she’s gonna miss them after senior year. What the hell? That’s what normal people say to their friends during senior year!! I must have said “I’m gonna miss you!!” 99,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999.00 times before this past June 2(aka graduation). Surprisingly, I did not cry.

All but ZO opt to go to Escape, Delia’s favorite store. Annabelle says she won’t have time to buy anything, but knowing Delia, she WILL find something to buy or she will turn into She- Hulk.

But then they meet a familiar face. A familiar faerie face.

Morgan (aka the woman/ Greek goddess [gag me] who sold them the faerie blood tattoos [ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww] sophomore year) has come to them offering them another gift. Moar faerie blood???

Nope this time it’s necklaces with mirrors in them. Ok then… do they do anything?

No such luck. But, they WILL play apart in the book’s climax, I promise you.

So they take the necklaces and Morgan disappears. She DISAPPEARS! Is she not concerned about other people seeing her vanish into thin air?????????????

Ah well, next is chapters 4-6.

Until next time you crazy twisters!!

<3 <3 <3

Tattoo by Jennifer Lynn Barnes (Chapter 7- The End)

Since I unfortunately lost my copy of Tattoo, I'll just be running through this by memory.
Bailey, Delia, Annabelle and Zo rush to the Richmond hotel to save Blondie from her twisted humming. On the way up to Blondie's room, Zo scares some boys with her aggressiveness. They get to the eleventh floor, Bailey finds Blondie's room, the Fab Four run out to the balcony, Bailey sees Blondie being wrapped up by freaky smoke tentacles that none of the other girls can see. Um, does JLB have a tentacle rape fetish? Blondie's eyes flash blue, the girls freak out and Bailey gets so angry that she sets the smoke tentacles on fire, but since the other girls can't see the tentacles, they think Bailey's setting the girl on fire. Delia turns the fire into honey (I don't even) and the girl is screaming her head off. A-belle pulls a mind meld on her so she'll shut up and goes to wash her hair after inviting them in. After a while she comes back to Zo laying on the couch watching soccer, Annabelle looking at some books, Delia sipping a canned mocha, and Bailey laying on the floor in fetal position, touching her hand to her tattoo constantly. Bailey is tired as fuck from setting JLB's fetish on fire. Bailey introduces herself and the girls and A-belle gets to the interrogation. We learn the girl's name is Amber and she's at the Richmond because her mother signed them up for a New Age group that just so happens to involve their ancestors. Amber gets mad because she doesn't want to talk about it and A-belle is making her. Literally. Amber sees Bailey's tattoo and asks what it is. Delia shows hers of, because we all know by now that Delia's a bitchy show-off. Amber thinks they might be symbols that actually mean something which prompts Annabelle to pull a mind meld on the girls to leave and they walk to the university where Annabelle's mother works and where she is good friends with an 80-something year old named Lionel. Bailey assumes he's Russian or Slavic due to his accent. He also has a large beard and is full of energy. The girls show him their tattoos and he sketches them. He muses to himself about them, realizes that he's seen Annabelle's tattoo in an old book some years back but is interrupted by a phone call. The girls decide to try to find the book with Annabelle's tattoo in it and after forty-five minutes they finally find it. Delia, being the fashion obsessed superficial teen she is, is in the middle of transmogrifying herself a tan when Lionel comes back and is impressed that they were able to find it. Bailey gets a cryptic Adea warning that they need to be home before dark or the evil faerie will kill them. So that's what they do.
Bailey meets up with Adea and Valgius in her dream and then has another dream about Kandy Kane. This is the dream pattern throughout the book and it's fucking annoying. *rolls eyes* The next day they go to the Richmond again because Annabelle looked up a group called Daughters of Adea, incidentally, the same group Amber is in. Before they go, Delia cannot resist giving Bailey a makeover. 
Bailey before= Brown blonde hair, (her eye color is never specified), and a plain white tee.
Bailey after= Honey blonde hair with amber streaks, blue eyes (Bay makes Dee change them back) and a near see through midriff baring top. Of course Bailey bitches about her top and Delia bitches right back. Ugh. They go to the Richmond hotel, get a bullshit explanation about Adea from some chick who has no fucking clue about the Sidhe whatsoever and claims Adea is an acronym, A Dawn Ever Always. That's not even grammatically sound. Annabelle agrees with me
Bailey: A Dawn Ever Always?
A-belle: That's not even grammatically correct.
Zo assumes that no one there knows anything about the Sidhe and some woman comes up behind them and scares the crap out of Bailey saying she does know about Adea and the Sidhe. And here we are introduced to Keiri, a woman who has Sidhe blood in her family and has Sidhe powers. Like the newly inked up A-belle, Keiri is a telepath. She recognizes A-belle's tattoo (why's it always A-belle's??) and says her grandmother carved it into a tree when she (Keiri) was a little girl. Bailey falls into a dream-vision where instead of the usual talking to Adea and Valgius and getting cryptic advice, its a flashback. We see the evil fairy who's trying to destroy the world (her name's Alecca, by the way), and get this: the reason Alecca is trying to destroy the world is because *drum roll*














She was in love with Valgius and his feelings weren't mutual. He and Adea became lovers and Alecca is now trying to destroy the world because of this.
Still a better love story than Twilight. Just had to stick that in there.
Bailey wakes up in a lot of pain and Keiri heals her with her magical faerie powers. Bailey writes down everything she remembers. Keiri examines Delia's tattoo and makes a disgusting realization.
The tattoos are made of fucking FAERIE BLOOD! EW!!
Then Keiri realizes that not only are the tattoos made of faerie blood (ew!), Bailey has dormant Sidhe blood in her family. What the fuck? They have faerie blood tattoos (ew!!!!!) and Bailey actually has faerie blood in her family?!!? I'm officially done with this shit! I don't even want to review the sequel! 
Sighhhhh.....
Keiri then tells them that Adea, Alecca and Valgius are the three fates.
I hate you JLB . Just stop fucking writing. Mixing myths is worse than your teen girl stereotype "heroes". Keiri tells them Alecca gets her power from the human soul and that she weaves a web of desires for them to get caught in. Would this web be the freaky smoke tentacles???
Keiri gives Zo a crystal and tells her she may be able to scry. Scrying simply is searching for something using supernatural energy. So Zo can see the future and use crystals and maps to search for things. Delia, who just can't resist, tells Zo to scry for Kandy Kane. Because all friends should be annoying and constantly bug you about your crushes, and believe me, it's fucking annoying. Zo finds Kane then has a vision of what will happen at the dance should they fail to stop Alecca. Basically everyone drops dead.
A-belle gets a call from Lionel, they go to the university, Lionel tells them what their tattoos mean.
Bailey's sunburst is fire. Haha.
Annabelle's crisscrossing moons are knowledge.
Delia's butterfly thingie is metamorphosis.
Zo's weird dots triangles and lines are future. Haha.
They take this knowledge home, but on the way Zo has another, and I quoth Delia "oh-my-Gucci-someone-is-dying moments" but this time they were too late to save the little ten year old boy. Everyone sulks home and then Bailey has her Adea and Valgius/Kandy Kane dreams, and this next day is the last day before the dance, and these girls still don't have a plan to defeat Alecca. Also, this part was funny. Delia thought it was a good idea instead of helping the other girls try to form a plan to defeat Alecca, to transmogrify the bus into a limousine. WOW.
Annabelle proves herself to be the only useful one and mind melds the principal into letting them out of class so they can work out a plan. 
Zo uses Keiri's crystal to try and scry for Alecca but the crystal flies out of her hand and shatters against a wall.
Zo: I guess Death doesn't like being scryed for.
Zo remembers the crystal that she bought at the mall, and she scrys again for Alecca. This crystal is safe, but Bailey isn't. She gets caught in her own desire for Kane, but saves herself at the last minute.
The girls find themselves on the Seal, and face to face with Alecca. Alecca throws Bailey around for a while, makes her bleed and proves herself to be an unfair match with Bailey. She has pyrokinesis too, but her fire is the color of Sidhe blood. Enough with the blood already!! You're starting to make me hate blue-green. She mentally chokes Bailey while saying weird stuff.
Alecca: You Sidhe enough to want deeply, human enough to die. What the fuck does that even mean?
Oh by the way, being Sidhe means absolutely EVERYTHING to the Sidhe. and this "You're Sidhe enough to blah blah blah, human enough to blah blah blah" goes on throughout both books.
At this point, I'm starting to feel like the Nostalgia Critic when he's reviewing a bad movie.

So ANYWAYS, we get to the anti-climactic climax. Delia takes off her choker and throws it at Zo who throws it at Alecca who literally gets choked by it. The Seal then eats her up and Bailey's wound begins to heal itself. Here's some more freaky shit. Bailey's blood has turned blue-green.
Me: *wishes she could throw the book at the wall so throws the sequel at the wall instead*
Bailey goes into another dream state where she's literally sitting on top of the ocean where she meets Poseidon. Nope, just the lady from the mall. Who happens to be Poseidon. They have a long conversation where we find out that Alecca wasn't Death, she was actually Life. Which makes sense since Lionel said Bailey and Annabelle's tattoos together meant life, and Alecca had pyrokinesis and telekinesis. These girls are freakin' idiots.
The girls go to the dance the next night and their tattoos disappear. All but Bailey's. Because BAILEY IS NOW THE FATE OF LIFE AND GETS TO KEEP HER POWER AND ANNABELLE'S. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Okay. I reeeeeeeeally don't want to review Fate. But here's a short preview before I throw myself into another shitty book. 
Bailey complaining+Senior year+faerie Greek Gods (gag me)+ Being forced to chose the fae world or the mortal world+ me slamming my head into a wall= Fate.

Stage out!
Exit Twisted Sister.

Lost mah book.

So yeah, I lost my copy of Tattoo...
In other news, I'm happily in love with my boyfriend of seven months and I'm also rewriting some of my favorite scenes out of my favorite Fear Street books.
Bye.
Exit Twisted Sister