Thursday, June 11, 2015

I know, I know.

It's been almost two years since my last post. Life sucks, man. I'm working on a new Books to Review list as well as finishing the Sixth Grade Secrets review. I'm also planning on re-purchasing Tattoo since I lost my copy when I was reviewing it. I want to do a better rewrite of the two books as well as a third installment since I plan on expanding the alternate ending I wrote for Fate. Also, looking for new jobs because my current one is horrid.

Stage out!

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Nostalgic Reads #1: Sixth Grade Secrets by Louis Sachar (Chapters 1-10)

Sixth Grade Secrets

Tagline: Laura's sixth grade class is full of secrets: secret messages, secret clubs, and secret crushes.

Book description: When Laura Sibbie starts a secret club at school, she calls it Pig City after the funny hat she always wears. To make sure none of the members tell anyone else about the club, Laura makes them give her something totally embarrassing as "insurance". She promises to keep the insurance secret, unless someone talks about Pig City....

Gabriel, who never tells on anybody, would be a perfect member of Pig City. He wants to join too. But when Laura asks him, something goes terribly wrong!
Now there are two secret clubs in Mr. Doyle's sixth grade class, and guess who's the head of the new club- Gabriel.

Watch out Pig City! Here comes Monkey Town!

Enter, Twisted Sister...

I loved this book as a kid, and still love it as an 19 year old.
(There's gonna be five parts to this review. This book is forty-five chapters long, so if I go by tens, there'll be four 10 chapter parts and one 5 chapter part.)

This book starts off with a list of important characters. it is as follows:

Laura- Our hero. If you forget who she is, then you'll need more than this list to help you.
Tiffany- Ticklish. Has trouble eating spaghetti.
Allison- Always wears clean underwear. (uh..okay?)
Gabriel- Has copied more dictionary pages than anyone else in Mr. Doyle's class.
Mr. Doyle- The best teacher in the school. The worst teacher in the school. Take your pick.
Kristin- Small face, big glasses.
Sheila- Frizzy hair. Hates Laura. (for what reason??????) Sits behind Gabriel.
Debbie- Hangs upside-down before tests.
Howard- Wants everyone to like him. Nobody does.
Karen- Talks all the time. Yolanda's best friend. Nothing bothers her, not even Gabriel.
Yolanda- Very shy. Very pretty. Karen's best friend.
Jonathon- Smartest, fastest, strongest and most handsome boy in Mr. Doyle's class, and he knows it.
Nathan- Talks funny. Likes to watch turkeys play football. (lolwut.)
Aaron- Good singer. His grandmother picks out his clothes for him.
Linzy- Teacher's pet. Has never had to copy a dictionary page.

There are fifteen other kids in Mr. Doyle's class who didn't make this list. I hope they don't feel too bad. I'm sure they are interesting people too, and maybe someday some other author will write a story about them. 

Oh Louis Sachar. Shoving your characters on some other poor author's shoulders.

PART ONE

The Treasures of Pig City

It all started with a hat.
So our three central characters Laura, Allison and Tiffany are at a garage sale. Laura sees an interesting-looking hat. It's red, has a blue brim and silver letters on it that read "Pig City". Pig City??
Either way, Laura likes the hat and asks the man (who is bald and old) how much the hat costs. He says its a dollar but since she's so pretty she can have it for 50 cents. Okay...
Tiffany asks him what Pig City means but he just winks at her. Okay I'm getting creeper vibes from him.
Laura buys the hat, Allison and Tiffany tell her it's cute on her. I'm sure if Laura wasn't scowling on the book cover and about ready to pummel Gabriel in the face, I might say it looks cute on her too.

The girls head back to Laura's house and discuss what they think Pig City is. Tiffany thinks it's a health club where obese people go to lose weight. Allison thinks it's where slobs go to learn manners. Tiffany then suggests that maybe it is a city and only fat slobs with bad manners live there. Laura says it's a beautiful city and the name keeps tourists away. Allison says that it mustn't be polluted since not many people would want to live in a place called Pig City. Tiffany suggests that it's like the Garden of Eden, and everyone only wears fig leaves.

Laura says she's gonna be a pig farmer when she grows up. Allison reminds her about wanting to be president but Laura reminds her that you can only be president for eight years so she could do both. Tiffany tells her if she's gonna be a pig farmer, she has to kill them. Laura says she'd never do that and Tiffany tells her pig farmers just raise them till they're big and fat then slaughter them for bacon. Allison says Laura could milk her pigs like cow farmers milk dairy cows. They proceed to list off different types of pig dairy products.

Then the book goes into this random segue where we learn the origins of Laura's waist length brown hair.
It was her first day of kindergarten and she was throwing a temper tantrum because she didn't want to get her hair cut. She cried and stomped around the house, kicked a table that had a lamp on it, and the lamp fell  and broke. hey father ran in and asked her what happened and she said she was just standing there and the lamp suddenly broke. Yeah sure kid, I'm pretty sure your father heard you crying and screaming and kicking stuff. Her father then tells her about George Washington and the cherry tree. If you don't know the story: http://www.apples4theteacher.com/holidays/presidents-day/george-washington/short-stories/the-cherry-tree.html

Laura looked in her father's eyes and said "I cannot tell a lie, I broke the lamp."
So Laura's parents then said she'd never have to get a haircut again as long as she never told another lie. So now her hair is long, thick and dark brown. She hasn't told a lie yet.

Into the next chapter, Laura has worn the hat for a week. Everyone is used to it now and she'd look strange without it.

"We'll be in the Dog House!" Laura tells her mom. The Dog House? Isn't that a bit small for three pre-teen girls- oh, it's a clubhouse that looks like a dog house from the outside. So it's probably big enough for Clifford the Big Red Dog.
That's a big ass dog.

The girls go inside and Laura puts her fist on her nose. Tiffany and Allison to the same. It was the secret Pig City salute. Okay, now we're starting to get to the interesting parts.

The book explains that Pig City is a secret club and has to be kept secret because clubs aren't allowed at Laura's school anymore. This is due to a parent complaining that her son (Howard) couldn't join any clubs. Why? Because no one likes Howard.
After the girls salute, Laura says Allison's first. First for what?

Allison blushes and puts a picture down on the coffee table in the middle of the Dog House. The picture is of her when she was three years old, naked in the bathtub. Laura and Tiffany laugh and Allison complains that her parents show this picture to all of their friends.

Laura picks up her jewelry box that looks like a pirate's treasure chest and puts the picture facedown inside of it. I guess this is where the title "The Treasures of Pig City" comes from.
Tiffany goes next and places down a faux news paper article proclaiming:

TIFFANY'S TICKLISH!
Tiffany, the world-famous spaghetti eater, is ticklish. That's right, ticklish! It has been conclusively established by our team of expert ticklers that she is ticklish all over.
A finger under her chin will cause her to giggle for hours. Squeeze her sides and she will jump six feet in the air. Touch a feather to her toes and watch her writhe on the floor in a fit of uncontrollable laughter. Tickle her armpits at your own risk!
Caution: Do not tickle her while she's eating spaghetti or she will dump her plate on your head.

Well. That was... interesting?

Laura gets up and pulls a peacock feather out of a vase on her desk and holds in over Tiffany, who just happens to be conveniently trapped in the bean bag chair.
Tiffany giggles and squeals. Allison squeezes her side and Tiffany jumps out of the chair. Laura puts the feather back in the vase and Tiffany's article goes into the treasure chest.

Now it's Laura's turn to be embarrassed. She pulls a folded up piece of notebook paper out of her jeans pocket and places it on the coffee table. Allison unfolds it, reads it and hands it to Tiffany.

Declaration of Love
I, Laura Sibbie, declare, now and forever, that I'm in love with my teacher, Mr. Doyle.
 I dream about him all the time, and if I was older, I'd like to marry him.
With all my heart,
Laura Sibbie

Tiffany gasps. Allison says she has to be kidding and Laura (as she does many times in this book) points out that she never lies. Tiffany says he's alright for a teacher, and Laura puts her declaration in the treasure chest.
The girls salute again, and Laura says "If any one of us ever tells anybody anything about Pig City, the other two will show her secret to the whole school!"

Hmm... lets check on the back cover again, shall we?

"To make sure none of the members tell anyone else about the club, Laura makes them give her something totally embarrassing as "insurance". She promises to keep the insurance secret, unless someone talks about Pig City...."

So, to keep the club secret, all the members, including Laura herself have blackmail to deal with. Okay then.

It's the next chapter and Laura's sneaking into the classroom before school. Her school used to be known as an 'open school', with no walls separating the classrooms. Now large wooden bookcases separated the rooms. Mr. Doyle's 'door' was a yellow curtain hung between two metal closets.

Laura enters the classroom cautiously, checking to make sure that Mr. Doyle isn't in there. He's not, so she picks up a piece of chalk and glances at the word "Dictionary" and shivers. Mr. Doyle's form of punishment was to have the kids rip out a page from an old dictionary he kept in the closet and copy in down, front and back, word for word.

Laura regains focus on her mission and writes in in big letters on the middle of the board:

PIGS RULE!
She puts the chalk down walks outside, making sure no one saw her. But someone did see her. It was Gabriel! And what does he have to say about it?
"Oink oink." Laura forces a smile on her face. Gabriel had begun saying "Oink oink." to her whenever he saw her.

Gabriel has copied more dictionary pages than anyone in Mr. Doyle's class. Why? While he never tattles on anyone, everyone tattles on him.

Gabriel oinks at her again and she walks away from him, with her hair nearly hitting him in the face. There's a few other times where Laura's hair either does hit or almost hit someone in the face.

Laura meets up with Tiffany and Allison and they try to decide who else they want in Pig City. They decide on Kristin because she's smart. They go to class, and everyone laughs at 'Pigs Rule'. Laura does too, otherwise, Mr. Doyle would know it was her. I'm pretty sure your teacher is smart enough to figure out that the girl who's hat says 'Pig City' on it is writing pig-related messages on the chalkboard.

Of course Mr. Doyle calls her up to his desk and asks if she knows anything about it. Laura feigns innocence and asks what about it. He says to tell him, Laura asks how she would know, he smiles and tells her it's written on her hat. Laura, being the little smartass that she is, tells him her hat says 'Pig City', not 'Pigs Rule'.

Mr. Doyle then asks if she knows who wrote it and she says a pig couldn't have written it and he says that sixth grade girls can.
"I know. We learned how to print in the first grade." she says and goes to sit back down. Any teacher nowadays would yell at her until she told the truth.

After class, the citizens of Pig City find Kristin at lunch and Tiffany yells at her, causing her to choke on the water she was drinking. Kristin wears big red glasses that cover almost half of her face. Everyone thinks she'd be cuter without them, but it's really the glasses that make her look so cute. Everyone also thinks that she's really smart, but it's the glasses that make her look so smart.

They tell Kristin they have a question to ask her but she has to answer yes to find out what it is. They ask Kristin 'yes or no' and she at first says 'I don't know' which to them means no, but then she says yes, so Laura tells her to come to her house after school and to bring some extra panties with her. Damn Laura, I didn't know you were that kinky!

So Laura, Tiffany and Allison, walk past the library discussing Kristin being in Pig City. Gabriel is in the library and can see them and hear everything they're saying. They all salute and so does he.

In class, Mr. Doyle is teaching the difference between adjectives and adverbs. Gabriel usually understands things the first time they're explained, so he's bored. He starts staring at Laura, who is staring intently at Mr. Doyle. Gabriel has a crush on Laura, and wishes she'd pay that much attention to him.

He decides to write her a note to try to trick her into explaining everything about Pig City.

Dear Laura,
I know all about Pig City. 
Don't worry, I promise not to tell anybody. 
You have very pretty hair.
Love, Gabriel

Gabriel scraps this immediately since it sounds too much like a love note. He then changes it to this.

Hey Laura,
I know all about Pig City.
 Don't worry, I promise not to tell anybody. 
You have a lot of hair.
Your humble servant, Gabriel

Gabriel folds the note up and puts it in Laura's desk.

Then we're introduced to our main antagonist Sheila. Sheila hates Laura because she thinks she's conceited.  I don't really see how Laura's conceited. yeah, she's kind of a bitch later on, and a smartass, but I don't really see conceited. I think Sheila's a bit jealous because she has frizzy hair and Laura has straight hair. Or maybe she has a crush on Gabriel. Or maybe she's just a bitch.

Yeah, Sheila's just a bitch.

So Sheila sits behind Gabriel in class and watched him write the note. After he leaves, she takes the note out of Laura's desk and reads it. She gets really mad and almost tears up the note, then decides to mess with them, and changes the lines 'Don't worry, I promise not to tell anybody.' to 'If you don't kiss me, I will tell the whole school.'  and 'You have a lot of hair.' to 'You have ugly hair.'

Satisfied, Sheila folds the note back up and breaks Laura's pencil.

At Laura's house, Tiffany and Allison discuss Kristin getting contact lenses. Laura is silent because she bit too much off of her root beet Popsicle and is waiting for the chunk to melt enough to swallow. Kristin arrives on her blue ten-speed bicycle, out of breath. Laura swallows the last of the popsicle chunk and asks Kristin if she brought them. Kristin nods and says it's in her backpack. Tiffany goes through her bag and asks why she has so many books. Allison says its because she's always reading, but Kristin hates reading, and used the books to cover up her panties.

Tiffany whips them out of her bag and Kristin blushes. Laura leads them to the Dog House and tells Kristin the question: "Do you want to join Pig City?" 

They teach Kristin the secret salute and tell her that her panties are her 'insurance' and if she ever tells anyone about Pig City, they'll show them to all the boys. Kristin promises to never tell, and Laura puts her panties into the treasure chest. Allison adds Kristin's name to the Pig City roster.

PIG CITY
Laura-- President
Tiffany-- Vice- President
Allison-- Secretary
Kristin-- underpants

Laura, Allison and Tiffany don't tell Kristin about their insurance for good reasons. If she ever broke her vow of secrecy and the girls show her panties to everyone, Kristin might use their insurance as revenge.

The girls salute and Laura welcomes Kristin to Pig City.

The next day, the four girls meet up in front of the monkey bars. Debbie is hanging upside down because they have a math test and she says having all the blood in her head makes her think better.

Tiffany asks "Yes or no?" Debbie replies "Yes." and they tell her to meet them at Laura's after school.

Kristin mentions that they forgot to tell her to bring a pair of panties with her, and Laura tells her everyone has to have different insurance. Kristin asks what Debbie's will be, and Tiffany tells her she's not allowed to know. They walk in to class and are greeted by another message.

PIGS ARE BEST!
Laura had snuck in early again.

Mr. Doyle erases the message and draws a rectangle under the word DICTIONARY and next to the rectangle, writes the number 2 next to it. He says when he finds out who's been writing on the board, he'll write his or her name in the rectangle and they'll have to copy two dictionary pages. Laura smiles smugly and thinks to herself that he'll have to change that number to 3 because there'll be another one tomorrow.

Mr. Doyle tells them to get out a piece of paper so they can begin their math test. Linzy starts handing out the tests and Laura opens up her desk to find the note. She smiles, since she loves notes, but then stops smiling after reading what it now says.
Hey Laura,
I know all about Pig City.
 If you don't kiss me, I will tell the whole school.
 You     have     ugly    hair.
Your humble servant,
Gabriel
Yes, the 'you have ugly hair' part is spaced out like that in the book.
Of course, now Laura is freaked out and when she turns to look at Gabriel, he's smiling that dopey "I'm-in-love-with-you" smile he always has around her, and puts his fist to his nose. However, thanks to Sheila's shenanigans, Laura thinks that's a "You'd-better-kiss-me-if-you-want-to-save-Pig-City" smile. 

Linzy places the test in front of Laura and now she's in full panic mode. She notices her broken pencil, and can't ask someone to borrow one so she tries to concentrate on her math test. She gets a lot of the answers wrong, which is noticeable even to me, and I suck at math. 
After the test, she's walking with Tiffany and Allison and they're discussing Debbie's insurance, which is, she has to call up a boy and tell him she loves him, and the girls will tape it on Laura's tape recorder.

"Passionately," Tiffany said with great emotion. "She'll have to say she loves him passionately."

Okay bitch, keep your underaged panties on.
They go back to class and Laura writes a note back to Gabriel.
Hey Gabriel,
I think you're uglier than a two-headed frog. 
I'll kiss you, but only to save Pig City, not because I like you.
Yours truly, 
Laura
P.S. I'd rather kiss a rattlesnake!
She then writes on the outside:
For Gabriel. Anyone who reads this is a worm-nosed snail-eater.
Does that make me and everyone who's read this book worm-nosed snail-eaters?

Laura passes the note to the girl who sits next to her, who passes it to the boy that sits next to her, who decides to be a dick and throws it at Gabriel. Predictably, Mr. Doyle sees such shenanigans.
Gabriel is forced to give the note to Mr. Doyle and write his name under the word DICTIONARY.
Mr. Doyle reads the outside of the note, which makes the whole class giggle, except for Laura.

Laura begs him to not to read the note, and he agrees...but she has to read it instead. Laura promptly becomes blanched. Mr. Doyle insists on her reading the note and Laura insists on keeping her mouth shut. Finally, he tells her to throw it away and to write her name on the board, which she gratefully does.

After school, Laura spends the entire time seething about how much she hates Gabriel, and is angry that he finishes his page before she does. When she finishes hers, she writes a message on the board.
PIGS FLY HIGH!
Hah. I wish.
That's the end for now. See you in the next part.

Exit Twisted Sister

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Fear Street Rewrites

Hello! Twisted Sister here. Now here’s a quick story about how I got my name.
I read a book called “Twisted” by R.L. Stine. (I know, how original) and it takes place at a college. Abby, the main character really wants to be in the Gamma Gamma Gamma sorority.
Book called Twisted+The idea of a Mary Sue wanting to be a Sorority Sister in a Mary Sue Sorority= Twisted Sister. Yeah, and it sounds a lot better than Sistah Grimm.
So anyways, this is a rewrite I wrote when I was eleven years old for one of my favorite scenes in Twisted.

Abby sat at the vanity, looking at Leila through the dusty mirror. Leila glared at her former friend.
“We need to talk Abby.”
“About what?” Abby said nonchalantly. She fluffed up her hair, just to distract herself from Leila’s glare.
Leila stepped up behind her menacingly.  “There’s something going on between you and Gordon, isn’t there?”
Abby forced a laugh. “Wh-hat? That’s ridiculous Leila. Please, don’t embarrass yourself.”
“Embarrass myself? That’s more than I can say for you Abby.” Leila shot back.
Abby fumbled around in the vanity drawer until she found some liquid blusher and an applicator brush. With ominous calm, though raging on the inside, she applied the blusher to her pale face.
“Stay away from Gordon Abby. It’s been over between you for a year now. I mean it! You stay away from Gordon!
Abby’s face contorted in anger. Leila gasped. She had never seen this side of Abby before.
“Don’t you threaten me! Don’t you EVER threaten me!” Abby screamed. Her face was beet red in fury.
Leila ran towards the door of their room, but Abby beat her there.
“There’s no way out Leila. Not after you threatened me!”
Abby grabbed the bottle of blusher and slammed it down onto Leila’s forehead. Her cat eyes sparkled with sick joy as her former friend fell to the floor, her forehead bleeding, and the red blusher mixing in with her blood.

Next one is from Halloween Night 2. I wrote this when I was thirteen.

“Hi Halley.” Brenda called down from the staircase. Her voice was cold and calm.
Halley stared up at her. “Brenda? Why are you sitting there?” she asked, sweeping her hair back with both hands, her blue eyes filled with confusion.
“Waiting for you.” Brenda replied. She kept her voice low and steady.
“Huh? I was… studying with someone. H-how long have you been sitting there?”
“A while.” Brenda’s green eyes were as chillingly cold as her voice. She saw Halley swallow.
Good. Let her be scared.’ Brenda thought to herself.
“Well… that can’t be too comfortable.” Halley finally said.
“Not too.” Brenda murmured in agreement.
Halley’s expression stayed calm, but Brenda could tell she was a bit freaked.
“Did you want to ask me something?” Halley asked, playing with her hair.
“Yeah.” Brenda nodded. “Come upstairs.”
Halley hesitated. Brenda’s stare was not welcoming.
“I- I want to get a drink. Some cold water.”
“Come up first- okay?” Brenda softened her voice. She had to get Halley up the steps.
“Fine. But why are you acting so weird?” Halley slowly climbed up the stairs. When she and Brenda were level, Brenda grabbed her arm and twisted it behind her back.
“H-hey!” Halley laughed. She didn’t resist at first.
Brenda barked out a cold laugh. “You think this is funny Halley? You think it’s funny to steal my boyfriend not once, but twice?!
Halley looked at her in surprise. “What? What are you-“
Brenda yanked Halley’s arm up hard. Halley cried out in pain and Brenda reached up and pulled down a thick rope noose. Halley’s eyes bugged out when she saw the noose.
“N-no! Stop! Brenda please!” Halley began to struggle, tears running down her face. Brenda grabbed her around the waist and slipped the noose around her neck. She caught a whiff of Halley’s perfume. Sweet and spicy.
“Did Jake like that fragrance, Halley? Did you wear that perfume especially for Jake? For my boyfriend?” Brenda cried bitterly.
Halley gasped in shock. “Brenda, stop! Stop it! This isn’t funny!”

Brenda laughed. “Don’t you see Halley? It is funny. It’s funny and sad. Funny how you think it’s okay to steal my boyfriend again after I saved your pathetic life. Funny how I decided not to kill you even though you stole mine and Traci’s boyfriend. Sad, I risked my life for you. Sad that I didn’t kill you last year. I should have.”
Halley tried to run away, but Brenda yanked the noose tighter around her neck. Halley gagged and clawed at the noose. Brenda grabbed her by the hair and held her head over the banister. Traci appeared from her hiding spot in the shadows holding her camcorder. Halley gasped in fear and anger and started struggling again, but stopped when the noose choked her again.
“Any last words to say to everyone Halley?” Traci asked while pointing the camcorder at her, quite amused at the situation.
“Brenda… please let me go! I’ll never do it again! Please let me go!”
Brenda just smiled. And pushed Halley over the banister.
Halley’s horrified scream only lasted a few seconds before the noose cut her off. Her cut-off scream gurgled into silence.
Traci got a close-up shot of Halley’s face. Her eyes were wide and her jaw hung slack.
Brenda and Traci shared triumphant giggles as they walked upstairs to Brenda’s room.
Meanwhile another figure appeared from the shadows. The figure was Angela. Slowly she approached Halley’s corpse. She giggled and walked out of the house.
~
WEEEEEEEELL I hope you all enjoyed my prepubescent sick mindedness. Teehee.
Stage out!
Exit, Twisted Sister



Wednesday, October 17, 2012

List of upcoming reviews..

Sixth Grade Secrets (Started)
The Magic in Manhattan Series (Bras and Broomsticks, Frogs and French Kisses, Spells and Sleeping Bags, and Parties and Potions) 
Define Normal
She loves you, She loves you not.
Lost Voices
The Mermaid's Mirror.
Exit, Twisted Sister.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

I is be 18 and college student

August 25: I turned 18 mothafuckasssss!
September 9: I started college mothafuckasssss!
So yeah. Sixth Grade Secrets review is on hiatus until I figure out how to divide my time evenly.
*awkward silence*
K bye.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Shitty Sequels #1: Fate by Jennifer Lynn Barnes (Ch. 4- The End plus an alternate ending written by Twisted Sister)

Let's get this ship sailing my Twisters.
Bailey complains about Morgan disappearing in the middle of the mall, Delia says she'll disown her for complaining about free jewelry. So, Morgan makes them pay for their magical Sidhe-shit in the last book but not in this book? Whatever. Annabelle explains that Bailey feels uncomfortable that her meeting the other Sidhe provoked a visit from the Sidhe benefactress. Delia starts randomly listing clothing, most likely in the hopes that she has her transmogrification again. I find it funny how they don't realize this till they get to the car but I realized it in five seconds. They leave the mall, go back to school, Bailey goes to a meeting with her counselor Mr. McMann, who tortures her with questions about college and in said meeting, Bailey cuts herself on the side of her necklace. While fumbling around for a tissue, she notices that her blood is blue-green in the mirror. Whoa. Freaky color change blood is back!
After the meeting, Bailey goes to her physics class where she is asked the definition of friction. Bailey curses Adea and Val because that's exactly what she was trying to study in Earthly Hall of Study before they called her to the Nexus. Earthly Hall of Study Geek with the amazing archeolinguistic knowledge comes to her rescue and she develops a crush on him. So far she only knows his last name, which is Talbot-Olsen. Interesting name. I immediately think of Talbot from Hulk and one of the Olsen twins having a baby to make him. Not a pretty sight.
On the way to her car, Bailey explains how she and Kandy Kane dated on and off sophomore year, then finally had a legit relationship for four months of her junior year. Bailey says that since being the Fate of life comes with the knowledge that there is no such thing as coincidence, she believes that Kane's wavering interest in her had stemmed from her gaining more control of her powers. Basically, the better her powers got, the less interested he became in her. Because, she was totally unconsciously controlling him with her mind. Yeah, okay.
Bay meets ZoPig at the car where they discuss her freakish color change blood and what cookies Bailey's mom is making. Apparently Bailey's mother is an amazing cook.
They get to Bay's house, eat cookies and do some Sidhe research on Google. First, Reckoning.
Reckoning: noun.
Counting or computing a specific sum
An itemized bill
A settlement of accounts, as in "a day of reckoning"
That doesn't sound right. Next is Nexus.
Nexus: noun.
The connection between items in a series.
This makes sense because the Nexus connects the mortal realm to the Sidhe realm. Bailey reminisces on a story she was told by the descendant of Sidhe priestesses.
Basically, thousands of years ago, around the time of the Greeks, the humans could freely roam in the Sidhe realm, as well as the Sidhe in the human realm. Over time, the barrier between the worlds became weaker and crossing over became more difficult. The Sidhe needed human life to feed power into their land, so the Nexus was created and they sent three Sidhe children to watch over humans and become permanently connected to them so the Sidhe wouldn't lose that power. That's how the Adea, Valgius and the deceased Alecca became the three Fates. While we're on the subject, after being connected to the humans for so long, Adea and Valgius fell in love with each other, and Alecca fell in love with Valgius. Since they knew humans, knew their emotions, it didn't take very long for Alecca to begin to know hatred. This hatred caused her to want to destroy the humans, along with Adea and Valgius, so she sealed herself unto the sea. Adea and Valgius had sex, Adea had a baby and Morgan took their baby into the human realm, and centuries later, Bailey Morgan, half human, half Sidhe was born. Bailey and friends grow up together, the magical adventures of Sophomore year happen, Bailey gets her Fate-ing powers and thus ends the story so far.
Now that we've got our history lesson straight, lets get back to the current story, shall we?
Zo and Bailey talk about the ominous Reckoning, they duel with their sharp-ass necklaces, and onward we go to the mystical Reckoning.
Bailey, Adea, and Valgius talk, then they teleport from the Nexus to the Otherworld. Then they run at superhuman speed to some mountain and then they're surrounded by a whole bunch of other Sidhe. Two of them, one a pink-haired caramel colored woman and a dark haired pale man. I shit you not, the woman's hair is pink, or in Bailey's words, "the color of an opal, a pale pearly white that reflected pink as she moved". I forgot, the Sidhe have bi-colored hair. BLEH. The woman is Eze, and she is the Queen of the Seelie Court. The man is Drogan, and he is the King of the Unseelie Court. Respectively, the Queen of Light and King of Darkness/Shadows. Eze and Drogan welcome Bailey to the Sidhe realm and tell her that she is always welcome, then they take Adea and Valgius to discuss stuff. The other Sidhe to do their Sidhe things save for six teenagers. First, lemme introduce theirs to the two thrones.
We have Axia and Lyria, the pink haired heirs to Eze and the Seelie Throne. They may or may not be twins, it's never specified. On the other side, we have Xane, heir to Drogan and the Unseelie Throne. Then we have James (I fugging know, right?). He's not an heir, just the most human-acting one of the group. Then there's the evil bitches, Kiste and Cyna. (The pronunciations are Kis-tee and Ky-nah). These annoying vampire-like Sidhe mean girls like to talk in tandem with each other like twins.
"You're-"
"-human."
"We-"
"-can-"
"-smell it-"
"-on you."
Fucking creepy.
You'll see shortly why they're the evil bitches and how I'm again, much smarter than Bailey. They're very possessive of James, going so far as to grope the hell out of his arms and chest. By the time Adea and Val return to reclaim Bailey to do their nightly Fate-ing, she's developed a crush on James.
Bailey Morgan: girl who has too many crushes.
Crazy Mike wakes her up again and this time she sets her radio on fire. Great solution Bailey, set your radio on fire instead of changing the station. her mom comes in, screams, puts out the fire and leaves her to do her usual morning activities. Okay...
Bailey showers, sprays her hair with body spray since, from they way she describes it, her hair must stink if she doesn't wash it in the morning... okay I wash my hair once a week and it doesn't stink unless I have night sweats. Does Fate-ing make you sweat Bailey?
Anyways, Delia gives her a change of clothes, then bursts into the bathroom just as Bailey finishes dressing, complains that Bailey's hair smells like apples, then ties her hair into some complicated bun.
Possibly this style?

They go to school, Bay discusses Night of the Sidhe, Annabelle deduces that the reason Bailey's blood turns blue green in the mirror is because it shows Otherworldly things as they are.
HOW IS THIS BLATANTLY FUCKING OBVIOUS TO ME BUT NOT TO THESE FUCKING BIMBOS?!
Bailey goes to Earthly Hall of Study and she and her geek (who's name is Alec) have a falling contest to see who's the bigger ditz! Okay, not really, but they do some falling (Bailey to find out his first name instead of just asking, Alec to give her his jacket because she said she was cold).Soon she's getting cryptic warnings in her head from creepy voices that talk in tandem. I immediately suspect Kiste and Cyna but Bailey is a fucking idiot so of course she has no clue who it is. Bailey leaves Earthly Hall of Study and hears this.
"I love him."
"Me too. I love him so much."
"I'm totally gonna be Mrs. Him."
Uhhh... I hope they don't mean THIS Him.

Then there's this.
"Nice haircut." We learn from Bailey that this is one of Alexandra Atkins's (the girl who's shoe Bailey set on fire in the last book) friends, Jessica Moore.
"In fact,  that haircut is just adorable. It reminds me of my dog, you know? I just want to pet you. or hit you with a rolled-up newspaper or something. Maybe next time you can just shave your head. Believe me, bald is beautiful, at least compared to that."
Oh why don't you go back to sucking Kandy Kane's pompous dick already?
Hair Girl mopes, her two friends are momentarily possessed by Kiste and Cyna, (again, why is this fucking obvious to me and not Bailey?) and lunchtime rolls around. The Fucking Idiotic Four go to Fifties, eat and discuss mythology and how it concerns the Sidhe. We know Eze is Zeus, Drogan is Hades, (forgot to mention earlier)Axia is Artemis, Lyria is Aphrodite, and Zane is a Hades mini-me. James doesn't want Bailey to know who he was to the Greeks and we aren't sure who Kiste and Cyna were, but somehow, the three of them are connected. In the last book, we learned that Morgan was Poseidon, but it seems that the other Sidhe have some beef with her because no one talks about her, they pretend she doesn't exist. Also, we have a plot point. Annabelle tells them the story of when Hades kidnapped Persephone and the whole pomegranate ordeal. Annabelle warns Bailey not to eat or drink anything while in the Otherworld, because she may never be able to return to the mortal realm if she does.
Delia then takes over to discuss Geek Watch. Geek Watch is boring. They go back to school and then physics freakiness happens. Remember Jessica for earlier before, who made fun of the girl's hair after Earthly Hall of Study? Here's what goes down.
"I mean honestly, who do girls like that think they're kidding? This isn't a movie; we're not going to, like, adopt them, and I'm sorry but there are some things makeovers just can't fix." Yes, these are Delia's popular friends.
"You should have heard those girls talking this morning. They were all, 'oh he's just soooo dreamy. Do you think he loves me? Will we go to the big dance together? Will they make a Disney Channel Original Movie about our fuzzy- wuzzy puppy love?' Puh-lease."
I'm sorry, I haven't heard the term 'Disney Channel Original Movie' in years.
Meanwhile Bailey is trying to save Jessica for what reason I don't know. Jessica keeps flinging the sugary venom at the Mrs. Him girls until out of nowhere, every strand of her hair falls off of her head to the floor.
She starts screaming, people start freaking out, Bailey tries to figure out what the hell to do, snakes burst out from Jessica's scalp. So now we have a screaming Medusa, creepy faeries who are most likely the mythological Furies, a useless Third Fate and a scared chic geek. Alec begs for it to stop and it does. hmm.. interesting.
After class, Bay and Al meet up with Dee and Bailey wipes the memories of everyone about the snake incident from everyone's mind, save for Delia, A-belle and ZoPig. Delia sets Bailey and Alec up on a date and Bailey discovers that the place Alec took her to (a bridge in a field of flowers) has Sidhe connections. The bridge can be used to cross over. Bailey drives him home, then she goes to Zo's house.  Annabelle tells them of the theory of liminality (a liminal state is something that exists between two states, like doorways, midnight and bridges). They tell Bailey to go to sleep so they can squeeze some info out of dem faeries. Bailey gives up and goes home. Bailey's mom is suspicious as to why her daughter is home so early. Bailey plays sick and feels guilty when she uses her pyrokinesis to raise her body temperature. Damn Bailey, stop being such a pussyass. She goes to sleep, Adea and Val tell her that the Reckoning is her choice to align herself in either the Seelie or Unseelie Courts. There's something bigger that their lieges won't let them tell Bailey. Her ancestors tell her if she wants answers, she needs to find them in her web, aka (trust her instincts). She weaves and sees that it's her mixed blood that's throwing off the world's balance and making it easier for the Sidhe to cross over. We also learn that while Bailey weaves life, Valgius whispers birth and Adea sings death. They finish their Fate-ing and return to the Otherworld, this time, they go to the Unseelie Court.
Bailey meets Eros (aka Cupid) and the muses. The muses sing and everyone dances, Bailey dances with James. He tosses her in the air and we learn that in her Sidhe form, she is very flexible. Okay then. Eventually they stop and James offers Bailey a cup of water. She's about to drink it when her necklace begins to burn her. She reaches up to rip it off but when she touches it, she hears A-belle's previous warning about eating or drinking in the Otherworld. Bailey is furious. She realizes now that the Sidhe want her to stay in the Otherworld for good. They tell her that it isn't fair to have one Fate living in the mortal realm and the other two living in the Otherworld. That isn't very fair, even though Bailey is half-Sidhe.
Bailey tells them under no circumstances will she stay in the Otherworld. Eze and Drogan remind her that her staying in the mortal realm makes the barriers weak, and so long as the barriers are weak, and with Mabon weakening the barriers further, the Sidhe are free to roam in the human realm.
"She is-"
"-mortal."
"She can be-"
"-punished."
Kiste and Cyna remind Bailey of that and then Dumbo finally realizes that they were the ones warning her away from Alec. Dumbass. Who else have you met that talks in tandem with each other?!
Bailey goes home, sad that Adea and Valgius didn't protect her, despite knowing that they couldn't.
She wakes up, gets dressed, her mom hears her and tries to stop her (it's four in the morning and Momma Morgan don't play no games) but Bailey, acting like a pussy the whole while, pulls a mind meld on her. She goes to Zo's, they discuss battle plans, Bailey mentally chats with Morgan and Morgan shows her through her pendant mirror that Alec and James are the same person. NO SHIT.
The girls then head for school, Bailey intent on causing Alecjames much fiery pain. She's so angry, sparks are flying out of her hair, her skin is burning hot to the touch and in her palms are twin flames. Alecjames finds her first, they argue, Bailey lights his pants on fire (LOL), then Bailey panics when she realizes her friends are unguarded. She runs and finds Zo and A-belle runs past them with nothing on top but a hot pink bra. They follow her to a Spanish class where she starts kissing all of the boys. Zo tries to stop her and gets kicked clear across the room. Bailey looks in her pendant at Annabelle expecting to see Lyria but instead sees a shocked A-belle staring back at her. Bailey deduces that A-belle has been possessed by Lyria. Bailey panics again when she realizes they haven't found Delia. James brings Axia to them, she and Zo go to de-possess Annabelle and Bailey and James go to the Otherworld to rescue Delia from Xane who is trying to take her back to the Unseelie court as his new Persephone. or something like that.
They find the pair where Delia is working on her tan and somehow she's broken down Xane... and he smiles.
This is as rare as a Seto Kaiba smile!!

So they confront Xane, James attacks him, Xane heals himself instantly and then Bailey probes his mind after telling him she doesn't think he's evil or that he wants to hurt her and her friends. We see that Delia has warped Xane's mind because he finds her incredibly annoying yet somehow she tugs on some hidden heartsrtings he never knew he had. Xane throws Bailey out of his mind so hard she falls and hits her head on a rock. Damn Bay, don't go all useless and bleeding on us again! Xane is horrified because he's hurt her and deep deep down in his hidden heart he doesn't want to hurt her or her friends. Eze and Drogan show up and teleport them inside a mountain. Yes, inside the mountain. Bailey wakes up after sleeping for four hours. The only reason they can see anything is because in the Otherworld, Bailey fucking glows. I guess it isn't as bad as sparkling.

So Bailey gets them out of the mountain, Axia and Lyria change her into her Reckoning clothes and hairstyle (courtesy of telekinesis and transmogrification) and they're teleported to the top of the mythological Mount Olympus. Eze and Drogan welcome Bailey to their respective courts and Morgan is in her head telling her to let the waters guide her. bailey gives a long boring speech basically saying "Fuck you Otherworlders, I'm gonna be with my girls no matter what because I'm a selfish bitch that cares more about being with my friends than the fate of the Earth", shares her blood with said friends and recites a spell,
"To you I call, my three of three,
My blood in yours and yours in me,
Through this change, the barrier holds,
The balance righted, the bridge refolds,
I give this gift with lake and sea,
river and water, so mote it be."
which in turn makes Annabelle, Delia and Zo half Sidhe and gives them permanent powers. Wow. Fucking wow.
King and Queen rage about how insulted they are by this and that she cannot pledge herself to her friends, that now she has to choose one of the courts or they (Bailey and Co.) will all die tonight. Morgan comes to their rescue saying "Bailey has pledged herself and her friends to me" and Drogan says "You choose to sequester yourself between the realms, you don't even have a court blah blah the child will die" and Morgan's all "You're surprised I chose to start my court with a child who belongs to both worlds it is my right I've never forsworn it blah blah blah" and James is all "woohoo lets git Reckoned!" and he, Axia, Lyria, Xane, the muses, Eros and some random guy share blood with Bailey and officially become Morgan's Court/ The Court of Water. Eze and Drogan swear war on them and Morgan says "it's time there was a court that wasn't afraid to be a little human blah blah blah."
Seven and a half months later Bailey and her friends are graduating, fucking yay, they get their diplomas and talk about the afterparty in the Court of Water, Zo shocks them with her newly acquired lightning and the book ends, the fucking end. UGH!

Next in line, Sixth Grade Secrets. Yay, I book I actually enjoy!

Oh, before I forget, It's alternate ending time! This was written by yours truly.



~~~



“I will make my choice. I will pledge. I will be Reckoned.”
Eze nodded, and the Sidhe guarding my friends stepped back. My word was binding. I’d said I would pledge, and I would. This was my Reckoning, and I was ready.
“Delia. Annabelle. Zo. You’re my friends, my family, the other half of myself. For the past couple of months, I’ve been wondering what I was going to do without you next year, and I couldn’t help but feel that without our friendship, our connection, I didn’t know who I was.”
Zo opened her mouth-probably to tell me that I was an idiot- but no words came out. They were as silent as I’d been before Eze and Drogan yielded the floor to me, and it occurred to me that maybe right now I was the only one who could actually speak, King and Queen included.
“I realized something earlier as I was running through the Otherworld. As much as I want to stay in the mortal realm, the Sidhe need me more. Everything Eze and Drogan have done was motivated with a desire for power. Be that as it may, our lieges don’t know true power.”
Many of the other Sidhe began to murmur amongst themselves. With my last statement, Eze and Drogan looked to be slightly insulted.
“I realize the Sidhe need me because real power, real emotion and feeling is something only I can understand. I understand because I am part human. Many years ago, when Adea and Valgius found love in each other, it was because they knew humans. Because Alecca knew humans, she found hatred when her love was denied.
I feel I know my place in the world. The Sidhe need me, so they will understand emotions and feeling and real, raw power.” Eze and Drogan gave me interested glances.
I sighed sadly.
“We were born together, but we have to live and die separately.”
My girls all looked at me sadly.
“We can’t be together forever. You have to go back to the mortal realm, I must stay here. It isn’t fair for one Fate to be in the mortal realm and for the other two to be in the Otherworld. I feel that with me here, the Sidhe will truly understand humanity and its worth. I wish you luck in life.”
I turned to the King and Queen. “I have made my decision, and I will swear my fealty to the Seelie Court.”
Eze nodded, and slowly the other Sidhe began to file out. I took one last look at my friends as they were being escorted away by some of the Sidhe guard. Eze placed her hand on one shoulder and Lyria and Axia gave me solemn looks. It seemed that they knew how hard this had been for me.
I blinked and in the next second we were back in the Seelie Court.
“Welcome to your new home Bailey.” Said Eze, all traces of hostility gone.
“Thank you Eze.” I said, my voice filled with the ancientness that lay in my blood.
I was Sidhe, and I was home. I was the third Fate, and I would never forswear it.
I was Life. I was power.
----------
Stage out!
Exit, Twisted Sister